What if the person you trust the most did something you can’t forgive?
Dana Blair has spent her life letting others take the wheel, from her relationship with her husband to her business. Now, with her marriage unraveling, her son in crisis, and her career on the verge of collapse, Dana is left wondering whether she ever really had control of anything at all.
Padma Paulsen is the opposite: a brilliant, fiercely driven ER doctor who’s given her all to her career. Her friendship with Dana has been the one constant in her high-pressure life.
But then a tragedy on Padma’s watch leaves Dana’s daughter in critical condition and their bond in tatters.
As Dana fights for justice for her daughter, grief turns to blame. Soon she’s forced to make a decision that could either save her family or destroy the most important friendship of her life.
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My Review
Who We Used to Be is a poignant, emotionally layered novel that explores the fragility of friendship, the complexity of personal identity, and the quiet devastation that can follow misplaced trust. Told through the lens of two neighboring families, Caitlin Weaver weaves a reflective and thought-provoking narrative centered on Dana and Padma—two longtime friends whose lives are suddenly fractured by tragedy.
Dana is a woman adrift, her marriage faltering and her sense of self buried beneath years of passivity. She’s someone who has let life happen to her rather than taking ownership of it. In contrast, Padma is fiercely driven, defined by her ambition and tightly tethered to her professional identity—often at the cost of neglecting the rest of who she is. The rupture between them comes when Dana’s daughter falls into a coma, and Dana—reeling with grief—casts blame on Padma. What follows is an unraveling of long-held assumptions, painful reckonings, and the redefinition of not just their friendship, but their entire selves.
The novel shines in its exploration of family dynamics. Dana’s son, in particular, provides a touching and unexpected emotional anchor. His struggles are portrayed with tenderness and nuance, and his voice adds a deeper emotional resonance to the story. While some characters—like Dana’s husband—may feel frustrating or extraneous, the emotional authenticity of the rest makes up for it.
This is a quietly heartbreaking novel that asks important questions about how much of ourselves we give away, whether to a friendship, a role, or an ideal. It’s a meditation on identity, regret, and the difficult, necessary process of reclaiming who we really are.
A moving, worthwhile read for those who appreciate introspective fiction with deeply human characters.
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